SUGGESTIONS FOR BUILDING ASSETS

Asset # 38- Self-esteem

(Young people feel good about who they are.)

To Build Asset # 38 Parents and Extended Family Can . . .

* Treat your kids with kindness and respect.

* Do positive "referential speaking." When on the phone or in a room having a conversation with someone else, mention something good about your child, even if your child doesn't seem to be listening. He or she will notice what you said, and it will be more powerful than if you said it directly to her.

* Help kids take risks. Encourage them. Problem solve and help them through the things that don't go well. Celebrate their growth whether or not they achieve.

* Spend time with your children. Show them that they are important enough to you that you put aside important tasks and events to be with them.

* See each of your children as individuals, and never compare the abilities of one to another.

* Separate the behavior from the child when you discipline. Be hard on the issue but soft on the person.

* Always look for things your child is doing well, and compliment them . . . even and especially for the little things.

* Replace criticism with encouragement, so even when they "messed up" they hear that you believe in them and know they can do better.

* Give your children many things to try. Find their gifts!

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 47% of youth surveyed by Search Institute have this asset in their lives.*

*Based on Search Institute surveys of almost 100,000 6th to 12th grade youth throughout the United States

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SELF ESTEEM comes from:

• Love, respect, acceptance

• Being taken seriously

• Being listened to

• Having your needs met and taken seriously

• Honoring uniqueness

• Being healthy and fit

• Having meaning and purpose in life

• A sense of humor, laughter and play

• Taking pride in your cultural heritage

• Having choices and a sense of personal power

• Feeling safe and secure

• Doing good

• Competence and achievement

What are some ways that people built self esteem in you as a teenager? Did your parents compliment you and tell you that they were proud of you? Did teachers and school staff make you feel good about yourself? Were your friends supportive of you and your choices?

Now look at teens in your home, school, or community. Do they have people supporting them? Do they feel good about themselves? Are they actively involved in life? If they are, that's fantastic! Obviously they have quite a few assets. But, perhaps they aren't confident in themselves. What can you or your community do to build self-esteem in those youth?

Teachers or mentors can make an effort to affirm young people. It's as simple as saying, "I like your smile," "You're a great listener," "I admire your ability to speak in front of the class," or "You're always willing to help-I appreciate that." Simply smiling at young people will do wonders, if you recognize them by name that's even better. If you hear a young person say, "I'm too shy" encourage them to say, "I'm reserved and thoughtful." If you hear a young person say, "I'm unconventional." Try encouraging them to say, "I'm creative." Most teenagers have a negative focus of their personality traits. Make an effort to recognize the positive personality traits and comment on them. And if you hear a teenager focusing on a negative trait, switch it around so that they see the positive in it.

What are you doing to build self-esteem in the teenagers you know?