Curfews

"It's so unfair! All my friends get to stay out later than I do. I don’t need a curfew. Just call me on the cell when I need to come home. Don’t you trust me?” Setting a curfew is pretty easy when your kids are little, but it gets harder and harder as they mature. You have less control over their lives and they can get around on their own, particularly when they begin driving. But while kids certainly need more independence as they grow up, giving kids structure is also vitally important to their growth and development; and just as importantly it helps to keep them safe.

Facts from Search Institute

• Only 48% of the teenagers surveyed indicate that their family has clearly delineated boundaries, which includes having clear rules and consequences and monitoring their whereabouts.
• Girls are more likely than boys to say that their parents monitor their whereabouts. 86% of girls and 77% of boys say their parents ask where they are going and who they’ll be with most or all of the time.

Ideas you can use every day

• Think ahead — Don’t try to set curfews when your children or teenagers are begging to go out right now. Talk about expectations early and be clear that everyone understands what’s expected. In addition, agree together on the consequences if curfew is broken.
• Confirm the plans — Before they head out the door, find out where your kids are going, who will be with them, how they’ll be getting there and back and when they plan to be home.
• Adjust — Review and negotiate curfews together. There are exceptions to every rule, so it may be appropriate from time to time to change a curfew (during the summer) or to allow your children to participate in a positive activity at school or in the community.
• Enforce — Be consistent when enforcing consequences, but when boundaries are broken, don’t give the impression that your children or teenagers have failed. Instead, use these situations to teach about responsibility.
• Affirm — Tell your children how much you appreciate it when they tell you where they’ll be and when they arrive home on time. Plus, this positive feedback will make it more likely they’ll follow through next time.
• Be realistic — There is no “magic” curfew time for all kids. Match curfews to the needs of your family, your children and your community. Some children need more sleep than others. Some communities are safer than others. Negotiate curfews that work for you, your child and your family and adhere to local laws.